Since the advent of the Internet, online dating seems to be the next generation’s way of falling in love and getting married.
With online dating, it seems that no one needs to be alone anymore. Everybody is bound to find the right man or woman through the help of online dating services. Best of all, online dating provides additional services that no other services can provide; and, because of the many interactive features that most sites give, more and more people are being enticed to try it out.
One of the greatest advantages of online dating is that it gives the person anonymity. Since, other people are not fully aware of how an individual looks and what kind of person they are dealing with; anonymity becomes a powerful tool in the process of interaction with other people.
With anonymity, most people are able to say what they would never disclose in person. In addition, most people have a lot of time analyzing their dates first before they decide to meet them in person. In this way, they get to know who the person is, his or her personality, or what does he or she looks like even if it is only through pictures.
However, anonymity can also be too powerful tool to gain a persons attention through deceptions and lies.
Therefore, if you wish to know whether the other person is deceiving you, here are some tips.
1. Be wary of those who exaggerate or evade things that are too obvious not to notice.
This could mean that the other person is trying to hide something. People can be very deceiving online, so it pays to be aware and look for clues about his/her truthfulness.
Moreover, exaggeration may suggest that the person trying to cover something. Do they try to change the topic at once? Be wary.
2. Inconsistency
If your date tells the same story several times and you pick up discrepancies in the tale, suspect lies.
3. If the other person does not reveal too much of his or her personal information or anything about him or her, chances are, he or she may be deceiving their online dates.
In reality, there is no harm on not revealing anything about certain information. In fact, it is one way of dating safely online.
However, there are situations wherein an individual has to know something about his or her date just to gain a little knowledge about the other person. This usually includes basic information like name, age, likes or dislikes, and other light information that could give the concerned person some solid basis of the person.
So, for people who do not reveal much about who they are, it means that they are hiding something.
4. Intuitions
It may be too vague or too amusing to believe in intuition. Nevertheless, there are many cases and stories wherein people who rely on their intuition usually get positive results.
Intuition is something that is known to exist without the support of rational basis. Hence, if you feel that your online date is not telling the truth, then, chances are you are right.
Experts say that through intuition, the individuals subconscious thought can identify inconsistencies that are not easily noticed. This can be very helpful especially when somebody is a skilled liar.
5. It would be better for some people to ask their online date to have a chat using a web cam. In this way, they will both see each others looks, personalities, and other things that can only be verifiable through web cams.
Here, an individual can detect a person who is trying to deceive him or her when he or she does not want to use a web cam or if there are just too many excuses.
The bottom line is that if the other person has nothing to lie about, then, everything must be kept simple and straightforward. There should be no beating around the bush while answering questions.
In reality, online dating that is free from any deceptions should be simple and based on truth, no more, no less.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Safe Dating Advice
You should always be on your guard when you go out on a date with someone that you don’t know or know very well.
Here are our top safe dating tips:
Arrange to meet him. Don’t let him pick you up from your home.
Meet in a public place. If possible, double date or go out with a group of people.
Don’t be rushed into a date - if you don’t fancy it, then politely decline.
Remember that alcohol affects your judgement and lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don’t get too drunk that you don’t know what you are doing.
Use your own mode of transportation. And leave with a full tank of petrol.
Don’t assume that just because a person claims to be religious, that he’s safe.
Don’t let him know where you live. If you do want to see him again arrange a second date and then take it from there.
Avoid secluded areas such as parks.
Listen to your gut feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. If you haven’t met him before and you know at the beginning of the date you are not interested, leave immediately!
Always let someone else know where you are going and who you are going to meet. You should consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.
Take a mobile phone with you and arrange for a friend to call you during the date.
Here are our top safe dating tips:
Arrange to meet him. Don’t let him pick you up from your home.
Meet in a public place. If possible, double date or go out with a group of people.
Don’t be rushed into a date - if you don’t fancy it, then politely decline.
Remember that alcohol affects your judgement and lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don’t get too drunk that you don’t know what you are doing.
Use your own mode of transportation. And leave with a full tank of petrol.
Don’t assume that just because a person claims to be religious, that he’s safe.
Don’t let him know where you live. If you do want to see him again arrange a second date and then take it from there.
Avoid secluded areas such as parks.
Listen to your gut feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. If you haven’t met him before and you know at the beginning of the date you are not interested, leave immediately!
Always let someone else know where you are going and who you are going to meet. You should consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.
Take a mobile phone with you and arrange for a friend to call you during the date.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Listening From your heart?
One of the most difficult things to do in relationship is to listen–truly listen from your heart without blame, judgement or “you ought toos and you shoulds.” It’s also difficult to take the time to listen without allowing distractions to pull you away from what the other person is saying. It doesn’t even matter if the person you are listening to is baring their soul or not, It’s incredibly important to stay present, interested and focused on that person.
How many times have you been talking to someone and they reach around to tuck in a loose tag that’s hanging off your shirt or pick a loose thread off your sweater right in the middle of your conversation?
This might seem like a trivial thing but what it really says is that in that moment they weren’t listening to what you were saying. They were thinking about that loose tag or thread and how they could fix it.
All of us want to feel loved, respected and honored. And one way we have found to have this is to love, respect and honor someone else. We found that listening without interrupting the other shows respect and also builds trust. What a simple concept, but how hard it is to do.
Something that is even more difficult to do is to listen to someone when It’s uncomfortable to do so. When there are conflicts or resentments in a relationship that haven’t been dealt with yet, there is an emotional charge that is present and that makes it difficult to stay focused on the present moment. In that time you’re not really focused on the other person andwhat he or she is saying. You are focused on your emotions or your attempts to avoid pain.
Another difficult situation is when you have preconceived prejudices and judgements of the person. Our judgements build walls even in the healthiest of relationships. When you are trying to listen to someone with whom there have been challenges, it requires you to listen with unconditional love in that moment. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say. But, it does mean forgetting yourself and your issues while they are talking. We are so quick to rush in and prove we are right, that all we do is create more distance. So, how do you really listen–without judgement or coming from your own agenda?
It’s like the symphony director said when he was asked, “how do you get to Carnegie Hall?” He said, “practice.”
Start with focusing your attention on the check-out person at the grocery store or the waiter or waitress at your favorite restaurant. Engage them in a short conversation and REALLY listen to what they have to say. When you get brave you can try a family member with whom you have some unhealed issues.
Practice by listening without needing to respond from your frame of reference. Hear what they have to say from their point of view. It’s amazing what can be healed when you do this. As Stephen Covey points out in his book, The seven habits of Highly effective people, it’s important to seek first to understand, then be understood. When you do this the walls and defenses crumble and healing can take place.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is to just listen with your heart. So this week practice listening and coming from love in your relationships. When you do, we know you’ll see a difference.
How many times have you been talking to someone and they reach around to tuck in a loose tag that’s hanging off your shirt or pick a loose thread off your sweater right in the middle of your conversation?
This might seem like a trivial thing but what it really says is that in that moment they weren’t listening to what you were saying. They were thinking about that loose tag or thread and how they could fix it.
All of us want to feel loved, respected and honored. And one way we have found to have this is to love, respect and honor someone else. We found that listening without interrupting the other shows respect and also builds trust. What a simple concept, but how hard it is to do.
Something that is even more difficult to do is to listen to someone when It’s uncomfortable to do so. When there are conflicts or resentments in a relationship that haven’t been dealt with yet, there is an emotional charge that is present and that makes it difficult to stay focused on the present moment. In that time you’re not really focused on the other person andwhat he or she is saying. You are focused on your emotions or your attempts to avoid pain.
Another difficult situation is when you have preconceived prejudices and judgements of the person. Our judgements build walls even in the healthiest of relationships. When you are trying to listen to someone with whom there have been challenges, it requires you to listen with unconditional love in that moment. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say. But, it does mean forgetting yourself and your issues while they are talking. We are so quick to rush in and prove we are right, that all we do is create more distance. So, how do you really listen–without judgement or coming from your own agenda?
It’s like the symphony director said when he was asked, “how do you get to Carnegie Hall?” He said, “practice.”
Start with focusing your attention on the check-out person at the grocery store or the waiter or waitress at your favorite restaurant. Engage them in a short conversation and REALLY listen to what they have to say. When you get brave you can try a family member with whom you have some unhealed issues.
Practice by listening without needing to respond from your frame of reference. Hear what they have to say from their point of view. It’s amazing what can be healed when you do this. As Stephen Covey points out in his book, The seven habits of Highly effective people, it’s important to seek first to understand, then be understood. When you do this the walls and defenses crumble and healing can take place.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is to just listen with your heart. So this week practice listening and coming from love in your relationships. When you do, we know you’ll see a difference.
Forgiving In Relationships
In real life, law rarely forgives any wrong act. In most of the countries law is clear about punishment. We still hear a lot about forgiving in personal relationships. We are told to forgive the major blunders. We are asked to forgive and forget and continue living as if nothing happened. Does that work? To some extent yes, and to some extent no.
Most of us who have been hurt in relationship do not wish to forgive at all. The result is that we suffer from the pain all our life. We are advised to forgive so that at least we can feel peaceful. If we do not forgive, our own peace is lost forever and we suffer. Forgiveness is for us. To forgive does not always mean that the abuser can continue with the same behavior. You need not tell the abuser that you have forgiven him/her. Let them suffer for what they did. But by forgiving in your own mind, you get peace.
Relationship after forgiving - the relationship can never continue at the same level and intensity after any mistake has been made. No amount of forgiveness can ever bring the relation back.
Bringing relationship back - I have said earlier that no relationship will return to the same old level after a major mistake has been committed. This is true. But what if the partners want to bring it back to the old level? How should they proceed? In this case, the abuser should ask for forgiveness again and again. Only after the victim is satisfied, the forgiveness can become effective to the extent that relationship comes back to normal.
Most of us who have been hurt in relationship do not wish to forgive at all. The result is that we suffer from the pain all our life. We are advised to forgive so that at least we can feel peaceful. If we do not forgive, our own peace is lost forever and we suffer. Forgiveness is for us. To forgive does not always mean that the abuser can continue with the same behavior. You need not tell the abuser that you have forgiven him/her. Let them suffer for what they did. But by forgiving in your own mind, you get peace.
Relationship after forgiving - the relationship can never continue at the same level and intensity after any mistake has been made. No amount of forgiveness can ever bring the relation back.
Bringing relationship back - I have said earlier that no relationship will return to the same old level after a major mistake has been committed. This is true. But what if the partners want to bring it back to the old level? How should they proceed? In this case, the abuser should ask for forgiveness again and again. Only after the victim is satisfied, the forgiveness can become effective to the extent that relationship comes back to normal.
How To Forget A Past Relationship?
The past that refuses to go away casts its shadow very long into the present and the future. Many of us have had break ups in the past and now desire to go forward. Something destroys every new relationship. What is that? Because if you find that your every new relationship is breaking apart, you will start searching for faults in yourself. The truth may lie somewhere else.
What happens after a break up?
This depends largely upon the intensity of the earlier relationship. More intense the love, more hurt will result after the break up. And if your break up took place because of unfaithfulness of your partner, it will hurt you still more. The memories of time shared will haunt forever. A look at something shared will bring in an avalanche of past memories and will take away your peace in a moment. The past can be very destructive. It kills the person, it kills the present and the future. It can haunt one forever.
How to come out of it?
There are no easy ways out of this. Some of us will never come out of the grief for our lifetime. One method that can help is this. Imagine a reservoir of emotions. Imagine of many reservoirs. In one, you have your longing for the one you lost. In another you store your memories of good times. In yet another you have stored pain that you are suffering from. In this manner imagine of many reservoirs. Till they are emptied, you will not become new. Am i right? What is to be done? Please empty them out. It will take time, in some cases many years, but you can empty them if you really want. Live through all your longing again and empty that reservoir. Similarly cry as much as you can and fell the hurt the lost love has given you. Experience everything fully, suffer from all the pain and try to empty out all that is in your heart. Get help from God.
This whole process is very painful. But if you want to live again, please do this. Many of us hide our hurt, avoid thinking about the good moments shared together and in all possible ways try to be so busy that the feelings do not come out at all. But the feelings are very much there inside eating away our vitals. These feelings will never allow you to move forward in a positive way. Please remove everything from the mind and the heart by reliving and go forward. You may no longer feel the hurt and the pain with the same intensity, but it will be very difficult to fall in love with another person again with the earlier intensity. Please accept this fact. Your beloved you left you has taken away something very vital from you - your faith in goodness of human beings. But after emptying out totally, you will at least be come a normal person, who can carry on life if not like a robot, than like a person without any feelings.
What happens after a break up?
This depends largely upon the intensity of the earlier relationship. More intense the love, more hurt will result after the break up. And if your break up took place because of unfaithfulness of your partner, it will hurt you still more. The memories of time shared will haunt forever. A look at something shared will bring in an avalanche of past memories and will take away your peace in a moment. The past can be very destructive. It kills the person, it kills the present and the future. It can haunt one forever.
How to come out of it?
There are no easy ways out of this. Some of us will never come out of the grief for our lifetime. One method that can help is this. Imagine a reservoir of emotions. Imagine of many reservoirs. In one, you have your longing for the one you lost. In another you store your memories of good times. In yet another you have stored pain that you are suffering from. In this manner imagine of many reservoirs. Till they are emptied, you will not become new. Am i right? What is to be done? Please empty them out. It will take time, in some cases many years, but you can empty them if you really want. Live through all your longing again and empty that reservoir. Similarly cry as much as you can and fell the hurt the lost love has given you. Experience everything fully, suffer from all the pain and try to empty out all that is in your heart. Get help from God.
This whole process is very painful. But if you want to live again, please do this. Many of us hide our hurt, avoid thinking about the good moments shared together and in all possible ways try to be so busy that the feelings do not come out at all. But the feelings are very much there inside eating away our vitals. These feelings will never allow you to move forward in a positive way. Please remove everything from the mind and the heart by reliving and go forward. You may no longer feel the hurt and the pain with the same intensity, but it will be very difficult to fall in love with another person again with the earlier intensity. Please accept this fact. Your beloved you left you has taken away something very vital from you - your faith in goodness of human beings. But after emptying out totally, you will at least be come a normal person, who can carry on life if not like a robot, than like a person without any feelings.
Never Break Promises In A Relationship
What is a promise? It is a pledge or an assurance given by one person to other that he/she will act exactly as promised. The other person can rest assured that the promise will not be broken under any circumstances. In this case, circumstances word is very significant. Because even if the promise is made in total sincerity, the circumstances are taken as an excuse for breaking them.
At times, the cost of keeping the promise unbroken can be very high. But no matter what is that cost, the breaking of a promise is a bigger sin. By breaking a promise, we hurt the other party. We kill the faith of the other party in humanity and its words. One must think about the value of the promise for the one to whom it was made. Why do we promise something to someone? Because both the parties agree that if the promise is broken, the other person will be hurt. Why is the promise accepted? The promise is accepted only if one who makes the promise is believed to be a truthful and honest person. No one believes upon the promises made by liars.
Let us look at a scenario. Say, a wife makes a promise to her husband. The wife is going out for a long period and the husband is promised that whatever may be the temptation, or need, she will never indulge in any activity that hurts him. The husband takes his wife's word as a gospel truth and feels very happy and proud about her. What if she breaks the promise at the first opportunity? What if she lies to him about that, after he gets a hint that she has broken the promise? And what if she defends herself about breaking the promise and lying by accusing the husband and asking him if he never lied or broke a promise? Imagine the hurt she will give to her husband with her action. If he is a simple and innocent person who believes that everyone in the world is like him? He will be devastated forever. Even if the wife breaks the relationship after breaking the promises, so that she does not have to explain her conduct and feel sorry about that, she would have succeeded in breaking not only a promise, but devaluing a honest person in all the possible ways. I do not know if you believe in hell, but if there is one, this wife will be sent to that hell forever. This example talks of a wife. This is equally true about husbands, and even amongst friends. A promise is sacrosanct. To break a promise given to a honest person, who has accepted that promise in all sincerity is like hitting a small kid repeatedly. Why I use the repeatedly, because whenever the husband remembers about the broken promise, he will experience the same hurt again. He will be a changed person forever, and doomed to live a life of pain that overflows from his heart.
Some people are childlike and they still believe that the world is full of truthful and honest people. They have yet not realized that the reality is contrary. If one makes a promise to such a person and breaks it easily as if it never mattered, one may not be hauled before the court of law for killing a person's spirit, but the crime is equal.
At times, the cost of keeping the promise unbroken can be very high. But no matter what is that cost, the breaking of a promise is a bigger sin. By breaking a promise, we hurt the other party. We kill the faith of the other party in humanity and its words. One must think about the value of the promise for the one to whom it was made. Why do we promise something to someone? Because both the parties agree that if the promise is broken, the other person will be hurt. Why is the promise accepted? The promise is accepted only if one who makes the promise is believed to be a truthful and honest person. No one believes upon the promises made by liars.
Let us look at a scenario. Say, a wife makes a promise to her husband. The wife is going out for a long period and the husband is promised that whatever may be the temptation, or need, she will never indulge in any activity that hurts him. The husband takes his wife's word as a gospel truth and feels very happy and proud about her. What if she breaks the promise at the first opportunity? What if she lies to him about that, after he gets a hint that she has broken the promise? And what if she defends herself about breaking the promise and lying by accusing the husband and asking him if he never lied or broke a promise? Imagine the hurt she will give to her husband with her action. If he is a simple and innocent person who believes that everyone in the world is like him? He will be devastated forever. Even if the wife breaks the relationship after breaking the promises, so that she does not have to explain her conduct and feel sorry about that, she would have succeeded in breaking not only a promise, but devaluing a honest person in all the possible ways. I do not know if you believe in hell, but if there is one, this wife will be sent to that hell forever. This example talks of a wife. This is equally true about husbands, and even amongst friends. A promise is sacrosanct. To break a promise given to a honest person, who has accepted that promise in all sincerity is like hitting a small kid repeatedly. Why I use the repeatedly, because whenever the husband remembers about the broken promise, he will experience the same hurt again. He will be a changed person forever, and doomed to live a life of pain that overflows from his heart.
Some people are childlike and they still believe that the world is full of truthful and honest people. They have yet not realized that the reality is contrary. If one makes a promise to such a person and breaks it easily as if it never mattered, one may not be hauled before the court of law for killing a person's spirit, but the crime is equal.
Will You Survive A Relationship Breakdown?
Relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and who will get shattered? Let us discuss.
The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. It is very simple equation. But let us remember that life is not made of equations and emotions do not behave mathematically. So it all boils down to personality. There are some who expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma.
On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. This is the vulnerable class. If by bad fate, they are ditched by the partner, they will suffer very bad trauma. They will never believe that this could ever happen and all their life they will spend wondering how it happened. Their faith in their partner is absolute. They trust their partners most and for them the shock of the broken trust is unbearable. They need psychiatric help. Hopefully with professional help they may recover. But at times the trauma is uncontrollable. They lose their faith in life and everyone else. The betrayal kills their inner core and the will to carry on. If you are one such type, please go into any relationship with the awareness that your partner may not be as honest as he/she looks.
Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. Sometime I feel that the world is for people who are practical and never allow their heart to rule over their mind.
The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. It is very simple equation. But let us remember that life is not made of equations and emotions do not behave mathematically. So it all boils down to personality. There are some who expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma.
On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. This is the vulnerable class. If by bad fate, they are ditched by the partner, they will suffer very bad trauma. They will never believe that this could ever happen and all their life they will spend wondering how it happened. Their faith in their partner is absolute. They trust their partners most and for them the shock of the broken trust is unbearable. They need psychiatric help. Hopefully with professional help they may recover. But at times the trauma is uncontrollable. They lose their faith in life and everyone else. The betrayal kills their inner core and the will to carry on. If you are one such type, please go into any relationship with the awareness that your partner may not be as honest as he/she looks.
Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. Sometime I feel that the world is for people who are practical and never allow their heart to rule over their mind.
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